Jona, Kedu m’aka America? | Jona, How is America? – Letter to Mr. President

“Until we totally change the way we elect our leaders, until
we remove private money from public campaigns, lying
will be the de-facto method of governance in this country.”
– Peter Schuyler
Dear President Jonathan,
I’m not supposed to ask how you are the way I asked my
grandparents when I wrote letters to them in those days,
because I know that you are very fine. I should even be
flogged if I ask such useless question from you. So the best
way to phrase it is how is America? Kedu m’aka America? Oh
yes, I must ask you that since I know that it’s not all the
people that went there truly had it all fine. But for you, it’s
very obvious that you are more than fine, even finer than the
United States President, right there in his own country.
I would have even called you while you were there, but my
Airtel number has been tampered with by people who
obviously hate my reports and write-up, hence I cannot call
or receive calls. They have made it possible for me to stay
away from the internet for a full day; hence I could not even
send you a mail. I tried to even send message to your wife,
who is a Facebook friend, but I have also be reported to Mark
that my Facebook is a source of terror to people who feel they
own Nigeria and Africa, hence I have been blocked from
sending messages for some time, probably until I ‘repent’ and
play ball. I tender my unreserved apology for the lack in
communication.
I understand that you will be having a media chat tomorrow
with selected media practitioners, who were picked by
Reuben Abati, media men that will not ask you the real
questions that the masses would have wished to ask you. I
won’t bother to waste my megabyte in sending you questions
via twitter, knowing that they won’t read it for you to answer.
Please I advise you; do not try to use your signature language
of “I don’t give a damn” this time around; else the real media
(social media) will chew you raw and make mincemeat of
you. I do know you will also deny spending 6 billion Naira
for the UN trip, but please, do us a favor by accepting the
blames if need be and not give excuses or defend yourself.
But before you go on the ‘hot seat’, take 20 minutes of your
time to read my sincere letter to you. I’m told that you read
any of my reports and write up and this will be no exception.
I’m sorry for not writing this letter to you earlier, as I had
been busy, just the way you are busy. I read the text of your
speech delivered to the UN general assembly and I must
confess, once again, you disappointed us. As I write, I cannot
remember one memorable thing written in that speech, an act
that leaders are known for. I cannot remember the last time
that true world leaders made speeches and writers like us did
not pen down one or two lines as quotes. You sure need a
speech writer and if you need my services, I will gladly offer
it to you pro bono.
Anyway, that’s not the essence of my letter to you. How do
you find your hotel room in your favorite hotel, where
everything is working and you did not need to call the hotel
services to pump water for you? Did you also observe that
when you got in, there was no special display on the hotel
brochure saying, “24 hours light with standby generator and
internet facilities? That is what most of us enjoy in America
when we lodge in hotels, as there is a 24 hours internet
service and power supply.
When you got to the Venue of the UN assembly, the streets
were sealed off by security, but did you observe that there
were no battalions of armored tanks with helicopters
hovering over the place? Did you also notice that the
residents there talked to the security men with smiles on their
faces? Can you remember that there was no stop and search
on any of the citizens who drove past or walked down the
road? That is how it is done everywhere in America, where
we don’t have gun trotting men harassing citizens because
Obama is around. Don’t think it’s due to America’s age; far
from it. It has been so even when they celebrated 20 years of
Independence.
GEJ, how did you see the fox news you watched four days
ago, where President Obama was being reported on negatively
and yet there was no cry from his media aide that such stories
were false or did you check International Newsdesk websites
(it was even reported there on how you spent 6 billion Naira
for your UN trip) were citizens frown at the few security in
the UN assembly complex, which they feel intrudes on their
‘free movement’ and yet his party members did not have to
cry that they were opposition voices and the Senators did not
attempt to pass a law regulating the social media?
You were in America when Kenyan President delivered his
heart touching speech to the country on the mall incident, but
do you recall that he never blamed the insurgents on his
political foes who want to make Kenya ungovernable to him.
That is your fellow African President, in case you think I’m
comparing you with Obama too much.
When you were driven to the New York Stock Exchange
building, your multitudes of aides stayed back and you did
not see vehicles clearing the way because the President of
Africa most populous country is passing. You sure did not feel
embarrassed as you had to drive gently without some
irresponsible sets of military men driving and swinging on
the road just to announce you presence. That is America for
you; nobody gives a damn if you are the President.
By the way, what was that grammar you said to Obama that he
must fix Nigeria? You obviously must have taken a shot of
vodka to have used the word ‘must’, or don’t you know that
in America, that word is forbidden? How would you expect
Obama to fix Nigeria if he must fix Africa? Did we vote for
Obama to lead Nigeria? If that is your language of saying that
the problems of Nigeria are two big for you to handle, quietly
tender your resignation letter as soon as your Presidential jet
land. Obama should fix while you loot. When you budgeted 6
billion Naira for this trip, did you seek Obama consent?
Here we are; waiting for you to explain to us how many
people you took to US and how many billions you budgeted,
since your aides are denying the report, you are busy asking
a black man like you who does not earn half the salary you
earn to run your government for you.
Before I continue, I want to point out to you were you goofed
in your watery speech to the UN; you kept using the word
“Mr. President” while addressing them; or weren’t you told
that Prime Ministers and Monarchs were in attendance?
When you spoke on the Syrian issue, you condemned the
continous use of chemical weapons there, but you refused to
state Nigeria stand on the issue, whether the US should use
the instrument of war on Syria or not. Was it part of the
weakness you have in you, that you could not tell Obama that
we reject his planned invasion to Syria?
You were asking for support for Nigeria seeking a non
permanent seat of the UNSC in the 2014-2015. What rubbish
support? Do the people back home support you, before you
stood up to ask the world to support you? On what ground do
you have to combat terrorism, when few members of the
Boko Haram sect have grounded the North. Didn’t you hear
over there that the man, Shekau who was alleged to be dead
is not dead, but alive and kicking as he gets ready to make our
soldiers scamper for their own safety? When next you want to
ask for international support, please seek our collective
consent before you embarrass us in the comity of nations.
Did we hear you right that you are offering assistance to
Kenya in order to combat terrorism? Common, don’t make us
laugh; you must not play April fool with everything. How can
you render assistance when you have worse scenario in your
birth place? What manner of assistance will you offer when
Borno state burns and your soldiers kill innocent citizens in
Apo and tag them “Boko Haram”? Please stop taking serious
issues like jokes; we beg of you.
Do you know I forgot to ask you how the roads you were
driving on is? Sorry my dear president. Did you hear any
bump sound as you drove past the various buildings in New
York and did you see that there were no patch roads? Those
roads are over 55 years, built by ministers of works like the
ones you have in Nigeria and none of the money allocated for
it went into building of mansions for themselves.
You watched the CNN more often there; I hope you remember
that there was no time in all the days you stayed that you saw
the First Lady of America, Michelle Obama appearing and
making long speeches? You didn’t see her, not because she
hates publicity, but she knew that she is not an elected official
who should be seen often; rather she was in the white house
taking care of the home.
You wife must have learnt a great lesson seeing that nobody
in America knew who she was, as you people entered the
$10,000 hotel. Did you see that she was greeted casually as
you entered the lift with her, with nobody falling over
themselves on who will bow down first before the Jesus of
Okirika? Certainly, America don’t give the f**k who you are
as they go about their duties.
We have a version of the African Union First Ladies meeting,
which is hosted by your wife after the African Union meeting
is held, with even a proposal by her to waste our collective
wealth on an African Union first ladies peace mission
building. Do you think Michelle Obama cannot do a thing like
that and name it United Nations first ladies anti-terrorism
building? She can, but American Senators will never allow
her, hence she can’t even dream of it. Who will take the land
of former President George Bush wife and give to her in the
first place? That is the America you stayed and enjoyed.
I forgot to ask you about your arrival and departure at John
Kennedy Airport. Did you see that there was no stern looking
security frisking passengers as you have in MIA? All the
passengers you saw there are going to live at the exact time
on their ticket and failure to do some may attract penalty from
the America Government. It’s not like the Arik airline I fly to
Abuja, when I leave by 10.30pm, when my ticket bears 8am,
and no government official listens to me when I complain.
That’s America for you and if you think I’m lying, tell your
pilot to delay for five minutes when he is supposed to take off
and watch for yourself how he will be arrested and queried,
before he would be allowed to go after an apology from you.
I didn’t forget to ask you how it felt like to look through
Pierre Hotel windows at night and there was light
everywhere, without sound of generating sets deafening your
ears. They are not magic o. They are electric light with some
powered by solar, should you be thinking otherwise. When
you got to the meeting, I’m 100 percent sure that there was no
blink of light for a second; that is America for you where
money is used for the right purposes.
The call you made across New York did not have to ‘cut’ as
you answered as there was neither network failure, but the
call you made to Nigeria I know had to ‘cut off’ annoyingly at
every 2 minutes; typical of a system that don’t work, which
you head. I bet you that should you have network problem
America, that telecommunication network will be very sorry
for themselves.
You have enjoyed America with our money and have seen the
civility of governance to respond less to criticism and work
hard to earn even the praises of your enemies. We do not
expect you to be the best for there are no best men anywhere.
The only places where best men exist are in weddings; just as
there are no saints even in the temple; yet we have men who
remained immortal. This you can be. Jona, Kedu m’aka
America?
These little things matter…